It's just not. That's what I've learned. It's not society, it's not culture, it's not hospitals and eeeevil doctors, it's not a lack of support or education that ruins our births for us... its birth that ruins birth for us. Period. Birth sucks and it will kick your ass, and potentially kill you or your baby, and that's just how it is. Birth doesn't care. Birth can get away with killing many many many babies and women because there are many many many more to take your place. It's all the same to Birth.
Same for breastfeeding. None of these booby traps made breastfeeding suck for me. Breastfeeding made breastfeeding suck. There is no one to rail against because I had thrush and pain and misery and blocked ducts and all manner of suckiness associated with breastfeeding.
Nature and natural childbirth without drugs or outside help is a religion for these women. These processes are their god. To call these into question is blasphemy. That is the problem - that is the source of all the mommy tension in the crunchy/uncrunchy dynamic. Problems are someone's fault. Nearly without exception. If you're not experiencing the divine joy that is crunchiness, you're doing it wrong. Or, more generously, your support system or your culture is failing you. Couldn't possibly be that complications happen all the time in childbirth. Couldn't possibly be that - newsflash - breastfeeding actually DOES hurt for some women, despite a good latch...
What I've learned is that even though I wanted a natural birth, what I wanted MORE was a healthy baby, and that trumps everything. I did not blindly follow the religion of crunch so fastidiously that it kept me from the hospital when I needed it. Other women seem so willing to sacrifice their children on this altar, and I don't understand it. Their children die and they continue to worship. Others have children die and they see the light. So tragic. I'm glad my baby is here and healthy, and I cannot continue in a cult that would blame the people that helped me get him here that way....
However, thank god for the crunchy community because, honestly, without them I don't know that I would have felt brave enough to even get pregnant and go through all this to begin with. They made me believe it would be OK, that it would even be beautiful, pleasurable even. I wouldn't have to step foot in a cold, sterile nasty hospital. I was so convinced... I was wrong, but I believed so strongly. But this was one error that was rewarded with a beautiful, strong, silly baby who is the light of my life. And even though I now know the reality of birth, I also know that its worth it. And I'll do it again. Next time without naivete, and without misplaced fears.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
The No-Cry Blocked Duct Solution
OK, I've had a ton of blocked ducts, and am getting to be a real pro at getting rid of them. I've tried lots of tricks, but two of them in conjunction work the best:
1. Take an advil an hour or two before your next pump/feeding. Its anti-inflammatory properties help the clog get out, plus pain killer - yay.
2. Put a hot compress on the spot for a good 20 minutes right before feeding/pumping. Longer if possible. This thins out the fat in the milk and further expands tissues.
Massage gently while feeding/pumping. No more clog.
Most of the crunchy advice skips the Advil part. I think that's why I read so many complaints of it taking several feedings for it to go away. I would take hot showers, pump leaning way over, massage the thing as hard as I could stand it and it would still take a day or two for it to go away. I think the Advil is critical, but of course, that's a drug. Of course, you let these things go long enough they can develop into mastitis, and that's antibiotics. Luckily, I've not had to deal with mastitis yet... knock on wood.
So there you go - anti-inflammatories for clogged ducts.
1. Take an advil an hour or two before your next pump/feeding. Its anti-inflammatory properties help the clog get out, plus pain killer - yay.
2. Put a hot compress on the spot for a good 20 minutes right before feeding/pumping. Longer if possible. This thins out the fat in the milk and further expands tissues.
Massage gently while feeding/pumping. No more clog.
Most of the crunchy advice skips the Advil part. I think that's why I read so many complaints of it taking several feedings for it to go away. I would take hot showers, pump leaning way over, massage the thing as hard as I could stand it and it would still take a day or two for it to go away. I think the Advil is critical, but of course, that's a drug. Of course, you let these things go long enough they can develop into mastitis, and that's antibiotics. Luckily, I've not had to deal with mastitis yet... knock on wood.
So there you go - anti-inflammatories for clogged ducts.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Adventures in No-Sleeping *a-hem* Co-Sleeping
We were told we would not be getting any sleep with a newborn, at which we scoffed knowingly. Ah, but we are going to co-sleep. None of this struggling to get the baby to sleep in his crib in another room all by himself... No, sir. And we will be well rested because of this decision.
HA!
Why, no Mom. No need for you to take a night shift with the baby. We are putting him in bed with us. We'll see you in the morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed. You'll see.
HA!
OK, babies sleep like 20 out of 24 hours, waking to eat and then go right back to sleep. Right? How can you not get an abundance of rest if you simply sleep when they sleep? You could get 20 hours of sleep if you want, it would seem. But here's the reality. Baby sleeps in your arms after you breastfeed him to sleep. Then you can't put him down cause he'll wake up. He'll wake up in 30 minutes anyway and want to breastfeed back to sleep again. It's amazing how much sleep this constantly sleeping person can somehow deprive you of, but they are engineered somehow to do this.
The first night went fairly well. Baby was completely passed out. In fact, he went 5 hours without waking and we got worried, so tried to wake him to feed, and with some difficulty, we fed him at 2am. Subsequent nights, this was not an issue. Baby would suddenly start screaming blooy murder - we discovered he went from 0 to starvingangryfamisheddying baby in a second flat. No warning, just sudden and total meltdown. Hubby would deposit him on a pillow on my lap and I would feed him. He'd be asleep within 5 minutes. Ooookay. Move him over beside me and turn out the light and lay down. starvingangryfamisheddying baby instantaneously. Oookay... feed. Asleep in 5 minutes again. Move baby - nope. Okay, feed. Asleep. Wait for baby to be soundly asleep. Veeerrryyy gently try to move... nope. Okay, feed. Asleep. Wait 30 freaking minutes for the baby to be very soundly asleep. Nope. Okay, prop self up with pillows, feed baby asleep, try to sleep sitting up with baby on lap. By the way, intersperse about 10 diaper changes in there.
This was the our cosleeping attempt. We did this for about a week when Mom came back into town and again offered to take a night shift. We were both half-crazed zombies and eagerly agreed this time.
Mom took baby downstairs to the living room where we had a changing table, rocking chair, cradle, two couches and a baby swing. Basically, an uber nursery. I came down every 3 hours to pump and I'd find them curled up on one couch or the other. Or she'd have him in the cradle next to one of the couches. Or he'd be in his swing. But she'd be beside him with a bottle all night, waking every hour or so, but giving us some much needed respite.
When she left again we were not about to reattempt the upstairs cosleeping nightmare from before. No. Downstairs was working for him, it made sense for one person to stay with him and meet his needs while the other got some uninterrupted sleep. So began the shifts.
I would sleep upstairs from 8:30 until midnight or 1, Mike would get him to sleep in his swing, feed him when he would wake, and try to sleep a little in there too. I'd come down at 1 and pump, then Mike would head upstairs and I'd take over downstairs with Parker. I get 3-4 hours sleep upstairs, and another 2-3 downstairs. Altogether, its a survivable, functional amount of cumulative sleep. But is it co-sleeping? Its certainly not the family bed we envisioned. But it works. It's a survival mechanism.
Parker is 4 months now and we still do this. We eagerly look forward to the day he can sleep upstairs and we can all be together. But for now, this keeps us all relatively ok. Parker never cries it out. He's never felt abandoned or alone. I think this is good. But in a month or two we will have to reassess some things and wrap this up...
So that's what is working for us. You have to find what works for you. You might need to employ a little creativity and intuition tho. Read all the books you like. Ultimitely, the baby is in charge. At least for now.
HA!
Why, no Mom. No need for you to take a night shift with the baby. We are putting him in bed with us. We'll see you in the morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed. You'll see.
HA!
OK, babies sleep like 20 out of 24 hours, waking to eat and then go right back to sleep. Right? How can you not get an abundance of rest if you simply sleep when they sleep? You could get 20 hours of sleep if you want, it would seem. But here's the reality. Baby sleeps in your arms after you breastfeed him to sleep. Then you can't put him down cause he'll wake up. He'll wake up in 30 minutes anyway and want to breastfeed back to sleep again. It's amazing how much sleep this constantly sleeping person can somehow deprive you of, but they are engineered somehow to do this.
The first night went fairly well. Baby was completely passed out. In fact, he went 5 hours without waking and we got worried, so tried to wake him to feed, and with some difficulty, we fed him at 2am. Subsequent nights, this was not an issue. Baby would suddenly start screaming blooy murder - we discovered he went from 0 to starvingangryfamisheddying baby in a second flat. No warning, just sudden and total meltdown. Hubby would deposit him on a pillow on my lap and I would feed him. He'd be asleep within 5 minutes. Ooookay. Move him over beside me and turn out the light and lay down. starvingangryfamisheddying baby instantaneously. Oookay... feed. Asleep in 5 minutes again. Move baby - nope. Okay, feed. Asleep. Wait for baby to be soundly asleep. Veeerrryyy gently try to move... nope. Okay, feed. Asleep. Wait 30 freaking minutes for the baby to be very soundly asleep. Nope. Okay, prop self up with pillows, feed baby asleep, try to sleep sitting up with baby on lap. By the way, intersperse about 10 diaper changes in there.
This was the our cosleeping attempt. We did this for about a week when Mom came back into town and again offered to take a night shift. We were both half-crazed zombies and eagerly agreed this time.
Mom took baby downstairs to the living room where we had a changing table, rocking chair, cradle, two couches and a baby swing. Basically, an uber nursery. I came down every 3 hours to pump and I'd find them curled up on one couch or the other. Or she'd have him in the cradle next to one of the couches. Or he'd be in his swing. But she'd be beside him with a bottle all night, waking every hour or so, but giving us some much needed respite.
When she left again we were not about to reattempt the upstairs cosleeping nightmare from before. No. Downstairs was working for him, it made sense for one person to stay with him and meet his needs while the other got some uninterrupted sleep. So began the shifts.
I would sleep upstairs from 8:30 until midnight or 1, Mike would get him to sleep in his swing, feed him when he would wake, and try to sleep a little in there too. I'd come down at 1 and pump, then Mike would head upstairs and I'd take over downstairs with Parker. I get 3-4 hours sleep upstairs, and another 2-3 downstairs. Altogether, its a survivable, functional amount of cumulative sleep. But is it co-sleeping? Its certainly not the family bed we envisioned. But it works. It's a survival mechanism.
Parker is 4 months now and we still do this. We eagerly look forward to the day he can sleep upstairs and we can all be together. But for now, this keeps us all relatively ok. Parker never cries it out. He's never felt abandoned or alone. I think this is good. But in a month or two we will have to reassess some things and wrap this up...
So that's what is working for us. You have to find what works for you. You might need to employ a little creativity and intuition tho. Read all the books you like. Ultimitely, the baby is in charge. At least for now.
As terribly fun as that sounds...
Child-led weaning. Purportedly it happens "anytime between 2.5 - 7 years old" and is better for their emotional and mental development.
Do you have any idea how CRAAAAZY you sound? A 7 year old? Still sucking on a mommy's boob? I mean, I hate to judge, but... wow. I'm trying to picture that...
and how ruinous that would be to my marriage, what with my official diagnosis of "Lactational Atrophic Vaginitis" which renders me either a nun or writhing in pain during sex for the duration. We like having his father around, so STFU about him being lucky enough to decide when he's done. We're not doing this for 7 years. We hope to make it 2 more months, but after a year, he's cut off. Why? Cause maybe he'll be "lucky" enough to have a sibling some day and mommy and daddy can't really work on that under present circumstances.
Mommy wars are fun and all... but I've learned this - every baby is different. Every mommy is different. Every family dynamic is different. These supposed studies don't know my situation. I hear how they don't like to consider themselves judgemental - they're just "sad" for you that you're not willing to do the best for your child. "I guess you'll have to decide for yourself if Parker deserves better than trace amounts of rocket fuel." That's not non-judgemental. That's actually pretty damn condescending. I'm only mildly annoyed you think your parenting choices mean you love your baby the right way, and because they don't work for me, I'm not trying hard enough or don't love my baby enough. But only mildly annoyed. Mostly, its beginning to just strike me as funny, and I'm ready to start poking you with a stick. Because rice cereal and formula are not going to hurt my baby when and if he gets them. So are a bunch of other choices that I might make.
poke poke poke
Do you have any idea how CRAAAAZY you sound? A 7 year old? Still sucking on a mommy's boob? I mean, I hate to judge, but... wow. I'm trying to picture that...
and how ruinous that would be to my marriage, what with my official diagnosis of "Lactational Atrophic Vaginitis" which renders me either a nun or writhing in pain during sex for the duration. We like having his father around, so STFU about him being lucky enough to decide when he's done. We're not doing this for 7 years. We hope to make it 2 more months, but after a year, he's cut off. Why? Cause maybe he'll be "lucky" enough to have a sibling some day and mommy and daddy can't really work on that under present circumstances.
Mommy wars are fun and all... but I've learned this - every baby is different. Every mommy is different. Every family dynamic is different. These supposed studies don't know my situation. I hear how they don't like to consider themselves judgemental - they're just "sad" for you that you're not willing to do the best for your child. "I guess you'll have to decide for yourself if Parker deserves better than trace amounts of rocket fuel." That's not non-judgemental. That's actually pretty damn condescending. I'm only mildly annoyed you think your parenting choices mean you love your baby the right way, and because they don't work for me, I'm not trying hard enough or don't love my baby enough. But only mildly annoyed. Mostly, its beginning to just strike me as funny, and I'm ready to start poking you with a stick. Because rice cereal and formula are not going to hurt my baby when and if he gets them. So are a bunch of other choices that I might make.
poke poke poke
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I'm dismissive, so why won't you go away...
So the podcast "Parenting Within Reason" did an interesting enough interview with Dr Amy that I decided to give a very open minded listen to their hour long FAQ on vaccines, on which they are pro. Sadly, I found them to be barely coherent, smarmy sneering idiots on the topic, knocking down strawman after strawman and even giving outright misinformation (sterility is a *common* complication of mumps. Is 1 in 10,000 what you would call common?) And they brought up Andrew Wakefield's shortcomings as proof that vaccines are safe. Strawman strawman strawman.
Now, I'm willing to reconsider a lot of things. I will listen to reason. But before you and I talk vaccines, I'm afraid you'll have to pass this quiz I have formulated to screen out morons who don't know what they are talking about, or at least know less than me - in which case, why would I listen to you? Here we go:
1. What is the epidermis and what its role in protecting the body from enviromental toxins?
a. Where is approximately 80% of the body's immune function located?
b. Name at least one major filtration system in the body that a vaccine would encounter when injected into the body? (Note: this is a trick question)
c. In light of this, is there any merit to pointing out how many environmental toxins a normal, non-intravenous drug using person encounters every day/how much aluminum there is in formula/breastmilk/a tuna fish sandwich during a vaccine discussion?
d. Would you consider a pureed tuna fish sandwich a safely injectable substance? Why or why not? (Note: If you answered yes, please put down your pencil and hand in your paper. We are done talking.)
2. Who is Russell Blaylock and what is his profession?
3. Who wrote the paper entitled "Tobacco Science and the Thimerosal Scandal"?
4. What is glutathione?
a. What is the effect of Tylenol on glutathione?
5. Discuss the origins of herd immunity theory.
6. What does VAERS stand for?
7. Where did Bill Gates receive his medical training? (Note: also a trick question)
8. What is the safe level of aluminum in mcg for IV solutions for newborns per day according to the FDA?
a. What is the maximum cumulative amount of aluminum in mcg that a 2 month old following the CDC immunization schedule could receive in one day?
9. The vaccine industry touts the statistic that 50,000 Americans die from vaccine preventable diseases every year. What disease makes up the bulk of this statistic and in what age group?
10. What is the efficacy rate of the flu vaccine?
11. Is the flu a vaccine preventable disease?
12. What other condition mimics autism almost exactly? So exactly in fact, you'd swear they were the same thing?
13. Autism is one thing anti-vaxxers are concerned about. Name at least 5 other conditions that are a concern to them.
14. Would an anti-vaxxer be more worried about vaccinating their son or daughter and why?
15. At approximately what age does the blood-brain barrier develop?
16. What common vaccine still contains thimerosal?
17. Name 3 vaccine ingredients besides aluminum and thimerosal.
18. When was thimerosal removed from the MMR?
a. Please explain why this is a trick question:
19. When was the last case of Polio in the US and how was it acquired?
20. Please explain what a live virus vaccine is and name two vaccines that are live virus.
21. What is an adjuvant?
That's enough for now. I'll add more later as I think of them.
Now, I'm willing to reconsider a lot of things. I will listen to reason. But before you and I talk vaccines, I'm afraid you'll have to pass this quiz I have formulated to screen out morons who don't know what they are talking about, or at least know less than me - in which case, why would I listen to you? Here we go:
1. What is the epidermis and what its role in protecting the body from enviromental toxins?
a. Where is approximately 80% of the body's immune function located?
b. Name at least one major filtration system in the body that a vaccine would encounter when injected into the body? (Note: this is a trick question)
c. In light of this, is there any merit to pointing out how many environmental toxins a normal, non-intravenous drug using person encounters every day/how much aluminum there is in formula/breastmilk/a tuna fish sandwich during a vaccine discussion?
d. Would you consider a pureed tuna fish sandwich a safely injectable substance? Why or why not? (Note: If you answered yes, please put down your pencil and hand in your paper. We are done talking.)
2. Who is Russell Blaylock and what is his profession?
3. Who wrote the paper entitled "Tobacco Science and the Thimerosal Scandal"?
4. What is glutathione?
a. What is the effect of Tylenol on glutathione?
5. Discuss the origins of herd immunity theory.
6. What does VAERS stand for?
7. Where did Bill Gates receive his medical training? (Note: also a trick question)
8. What is the safe level of aluminum in mcg for IV solutions for newborns per day according to the FDA?
a. What is the maximum cumulative amount of aluminum in mcg that a 2 month old following the CDC immunization schedule could receive in one day?
9. The vaccine industry touts the statistic that 50,000 Americans die from vaccine preventable diseases every year. What disease makes up the bulk of this statistic and in what age group?
10. What is the efficacy rate of the flu vaccine?
11. Is the flu a vaccine preventable disease?
12. What other condition mimics autism almost exactly? So exactly in fact, you'd swear they were the same thing?
13. Autism is one thing anti-vaxxers are concerned about. Name at least 5 other conditions that are a concern to them.
14. Would an anti-vaxxer be more worried about vaccinating their son or daughter and why?
15. At approximately what age does the blood-brain barrier develop?
16. What common vaccine still contains thimerosal?
17. Name 3 vaccine ingredients besides aluminum and thimerosal.
18. When was thimerosal removed from the MMR?
a. Please explain why this is a trick question:
19. When was the last case of Polio in the US and how was it acquired?
20. Please explain what a live virus vaccine is and name two vaccines that are live virus.
21. What is an adjuvant?
That's enough for now. I'll add more later as I think of them.
I swear those horns were around here somewhere...
crap.
Dr. Amy Tuteur, the Skeptical OB, is making more sense to me all of a sudden. How did this happen to me? She's a monster. A hateful, ignorant, self-righteous monster.
I'm reading through her blog, listening to her interviews with a more open mind and finding a whole community of people who are not fans of homebirth, but who still (inexplicably) love their children. There are other people who feel let down or deceived or embarrassed or angry by this beautiful mythology of peaceful birth...
I so wanted to be a poster child of a successful home water birth. It didn't happen. For the longest time I didn't want to talk about it. I felt so depressed about it. But I do need to talk about it. I think the homebirth movement has more red-headed stepchildren like me than anyone wants to admit. I didn't see them when I was pregnant. Or if I did, I could quickly analyze exactly what they did wrong so I wouldn't repeat their mistakes.
I wouldn't have believed it unless I experienced it for myself. I did everything right. So did my midwives. We still ended up with a csection.
Dr Amy talks about the MANA (Midwives Association of North America) research data on homebirth that they won't release to anyone unless they sign something swearing they will only use the data to further the cause of midwifery, and also a confidentiality agreement. And they have to be well-vetted. She sounds like she might be right in that if this data said something good for homebirth, they'd be crowing about it everywhere. There would be press releases, not confidentiality agreements.
...what does it say, I wonder...
That there are a lot more women like me? Or worse... I was lucky. I am healthy, I have a healthy baby. This is a good outcome. Maybe there are a lot more bad outcomes that we haven't been hearing about... Scary to think about...
Dr. Amy Tuteur, the Skeptical OB, is making more sense to me all of a sudden. How did this happen to me? She's a monster. A hateful, ignorant, self-righteous monster.
I'm reading through her blog, listening to her interviews with a more open mind and finding a whole community of people who are not fans of homebirth, but who still (inexplicably) love their children. There are other people who feel let down or deceived or embarrassed or angry by this beautiful mythology of peaceful birth...
I so wanted to be a poster child of a successful home water birth. It didn't happen. For the longest time I didn't want to talk about it. I felt so depressed about it. But I do need to talk about it. I think the homebirth movement has more red-headed stepchildren like me than anyone wants to admit. I didn't see them when I was pregnant. Or if I did, I could quickly analyze exactly what they did wrong so I wouldn't repeat their mistakes.
I wouldn't have believed it unless I experienced it for myself. I did everything right. So did my midwives. We still ended up with a csection.
Dr Amy talks about the MANA (Midwives Association of North America) research data on homebirth that they won't release to anyone unless they sign something swearing they will only use the data to further the cause of midwifery, and also a confidentiality agreement. And they have to be well-vetted. She sounds like she might be right in that if this data said something good for homebirth, they'd be crowing about it everywhere. There would be press releases, not confidentiality agreements.
...what does it say, I wonder...
That there are a lot more women like me? Or worse... I was lucky. I am healthy, I have a healthy baby. This is a good outcome. Maybe there are a lot more bad outcomes that we haven't been hearing about... Scary to think about...
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
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