Saturday, March 19, 2011

As terribly fun as that sounds...

Child-led weaning. Purportedly it happens "anytime between 2.5 - 7 years old" and is better for their emotional and mental development.

Do you have any idea how CRAAAAZY you sound? A 7 year old? Still sucking on a mommy's boob? I mean, I hate to judge, but... wow. I'm trying to picture that...

and how ruinous that would be to my marriage, what with my official diagnosis of "Lactational Atrophic Vaginitis" which renders me either a nun or writhing in pain during sex for the duration. We like having his father around, so STFU about him being lucky enough to decide when he's done. We're not doing this for 7 years. We hope to make it 2 more months, but after a year, he's cut off. Why? Cause maybe he'll be "lucky" enough to have a sibling some day and mommy and daddy can't really work on that under present circumstances.

Mommy wars are fun and all... but I've learned this - every baby is different. Every mommy is different. Every family dynamic is different. These supposed studies don't know my situation. I hear how they don't like to consider themselves judgemental - they're just "sad" for you that you're not willing to do the best for your child. "I guess you'll have to decide for yourself if Parker deserves better than trace amounts of rocket fuel." That's not non-judgemental. That's actually pretty damn condescending. I'm only mildly annoyed you think your parenting choices mean you love your baby the right way, and because they don't work for me, I'm not trying hard enough or don't love my baby enough. But only mildly annoyed. Mostly, its beginning to just strike me as funny, and I'm ready to start poking you with a stick. Because rice cereal and formula are not going to hurt my baby when and if he gets them. So are a bunch of other choices that I might make.

poke poke poke

4 comments:

  1. Spot on, lady. There's that wonderful thing about parenting that is between parent and child -- and not the world. People have taken the "it takes a village" metaphor to an over-involved extreme.

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  2. Uh, I guess it didn't occur to you that "Lactational Atrophic Vaginitis" MIGHT BE GONE before your son is 12 mos????

    Has that really not occurred to you that a great sex life and lactation are not incompatible? Most women get their periods back around a year even if still lactating - and once your period is back you are fertile again & usually things are back to normal with regards to sexuality. That was the case for me.

    Be open minded. You have a ways to go before your son is 12 mos old. Things may be drastically different by then. Weaning might not be necessary - or even desirable to you by then.

    (However, if sex were still painful, then by all means - wean away!)

    But most importantly, try to let go of some bitterness & anger. That'll probably do more to improve your marriage than any sexual acts ever could.

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  3. "Has that really not occurred to you that a great sex life and lactation are not incompatible?"

    Actually it had never occured to me that lactation could interfere with sexual function until I saw my doctor about it. He sees this all the time and advised me to wait 3 months after weaning for everything to get back to normal.

    Of course, no lactivist organization would have warned me about such a thing, because that might have discouraged me from breastfeeding at all, and as we all know, breastfeeding, breastfeeding uber alles. Above your sanity, above your marriage, above your life. So why would I listen to a lactivist now when all they have is propaganda, not honest information...

    And thanks for the marriage advice too. Soooo supportive and helpful.

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  4. :( sounds like you've been hurt by some judgmental comments (perhaps including some of the above which I just skimmed over).

    While I didn't nurse my child until he was 7, statements like "Do you have any idea how CRAAAAZY you sound? A 7 year old? Still sucking on a mommy's boob?" do make me cringe a little. Because I know that for a huge amount of the population, you could insert "18 months" or "2 year old" in there and they'd feel the same about it...it's CRAAAAZY. I know that it's nutritionally/immunologically good for my child yet at 18 months, 2 years, and I know I don't have to "defend" my choice to anyone, but it is weary-ing (is that a word?) to go against all the negativity.

    I appreciate the studies that have helped me make informed decisions about solids (what and when), weaning (how and when), etc. but I hope that I would never throw them at someone without considering their situation. Studies aren't meant to know people's situation, they just attempt to determine various things about biology or whatever the topic is.

    I guess I'm a lactivist (I have definitely corrected doctors giving out explicitly false information about breastfeeding) but I hope there's no propaganda or hurtful things coming from me.

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